What I've learned in 34 years

Yes, birthday's have a way of making me contemplative. Social Media now provides a means for many distant friends and relatives to wish one well. The ubiquitous nature of cell phones offers the chance to talk to unexpected and distant dear ones. And birthdays bring out the desire to wish one well in a way that isn't quite the same the other 364 days of the year. And I readily admit that I love that. I love receiving birthday wishes and reminders from friends far and near that you matter to them (at least enough to wish happy birthday on Facebook). For someone like me who struggles with feeling connected and close to others with little or no contact, this means a lot. With that fresh in my mind, I sat on the porch tonight with my beverage of choice and some time to myself and asked myself what I've learned. I don't know if these things have any value, or even if they are right, but here are a few things I thought of.

1) Never doubt someone else's pain. We all have things that have brought us sorrow. Far be it from me to compare and believe that my pain is somehow worse than someone else's. The pain that I deal with is far less than many others who I know and respect for their responses. Yet my response must be to the pain I have and the part I have control over is how I respond to my own pain. I despise someone who minimizes my pain, how could I ever minimize the pain that someone else bears.

2) If we are unwilling to reach out to others, why do we expect someone else to reach out to us. When you are aching for the validation that someone else's hug brings, yet you are too self-sufficient to "need" or "want" or "be willing" to hug someone who needs that from you... how self-centered and sad.

3) Sometimes friendship matters more than anything else. Do I spend enough time "being a friend" to other people?

4) Love can be the best thing we can give to the people around us. When we can be quicker to love than to judge, we will be able to reach people in a way that matters to them.

Have I learned anything? Most of those things I may have learned but I struggle to put them into practice with any kind of consistency. In some ways the worth of what we learn is only measured by the amount that we are wiling to change how we act and respond.

I have come so far. I have so very far to go.

Election Fatigue

The election is mere days away. Both candidates are dashing through swing states, repeating their stump speeches and talking points ad nauseum as the election cycle winds down. While the debate may rage as to who ran the "dirtier" campaign, there has been a palpable undercurrent of nasty smears running throughout the political interchange this fall.

I love politics. The pageantry, the posturing, the idealistic speeches that over-commit, all for the sake of specific voting blocs. But I don't like this aspect of American politics. It seems that neither the candidates, nor their spokespeople, nor even our friends and neighbors can interact with this dialogue and maintain their civility to each other.

It is ok for people to hold differing views. So often, those opposing views are held by people who have thought long and hard about them. People have weighed where they stand and developed a view of the world and a view of issues that works for them. This is not wrong. These are not ignorant simpletons who must be chastised and brought to task because their opinions don't match our own. These are our friends, and often our family. They happen to see things differently than we do, but that's ok.

So what I'm trying to say is that I don't think there is empirical evidence that the Democrats are better people, or the Republicans are God's party, or the Independents and people boycotting the election are the only ones who really get it. It is better to walk arm in arm with our fellow travelers than it is to spend our time beating each other down. Recognizing companionship doesn't mean we have to share the same opinions or politics, but it seems to me that a certain amount of respect and acceptance of our differences is in order.

I'm ready for this election to be over. But I wish we would learn how to better love each other despite our differences.