11/24/2008 - Do we live in a throw-away society? Explain...

Without any doubt. Disposable everything. Relationships that aren't begun with the expectation that they'll last.

But I have hopes that it's getting better than it used to be. It's not unusual when I make my monthly trip to the recycle bins to find them full to the brim. That tells me that the state, or whoever takes care of those things, has a hard time keeping up with the amount of donations that the public are bringing in. That's a good thing. There's a long way to go though.

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Now playing: The Killers - Human
via FoxyTunes

11/22/2008 - Right now, I feel...

Cautiously optimistic. Tired. Worried about the next couple days. Doubtful that things will really be ok. Anxious for reminders that people care.

11/19/2008 - Describe your cooking skills and your favorite thing to cook

My cooking skills are haphazard at best. I find the culinary arts to be relaxing and lots of fun, but I'm not the greatest when it comes to having the finished product match what I intend. I enjoy making stir-fry, but especially breads and desserts. The biggest challenge for my sweetie when I cook, is getting everything cleaned up and the kitchen looking presentable again. Her patience is always greatly appreciated.

11/17/2008 - My favorite ________ right now is...

My favorite Band right now is The Killers.
My favorite Football team right now is Manchester United.
My favorite NFL team right now is the Pittsburgh Steelers.
My favorite Election result right now is Obama 08.
My favorite Feeling right now is acceptance by family.
My favorite Drink right now is a cold Becks Dark.
My favorite TV Show right now is Arrested Development.
My favorite Activity right now is snuggling with my honey.

11/17/2008 - Is true change possible if someone resists?

Sometimes when we resist the changes that come in life, we end up changing despite our best efforts. If we resist the change though, usually the change doesn't end up the way we want. So maybe the best thing is to just embrace it and try to make the best of all the changes of life.

I wish it was that easy.

11/16/2008 - Write about your favorite pet..

Several years after we were married, we were coming home late one night and ran over a kitten on the main road right around the corner from our house. We didn't hit it. We actually straddled it with the car. As soon as we saw that it was still alive, we stopped, used a blanket to capture the little fellow and took him home with us. For the next two days he did nothing but hiss at us every time we came close to him. I figure that he was in shock. After two days, he started drinking milk, and eventually soft cat-food. We named him Remus and I really enjoyed having a friendly, inquisitive shadow wherever I went. He had his own bed, water and food dish, and cat toys in the garage and was friendly to everyone.

Sometime around a 1 1/2 and 2 years later, we were returning home late one night, and at just about the exact same location on the same road, Remus tried to cross the road ahead of us, and our vehicle became the instrument of his destruction. I returned the next morning, and collected the body and buried it in the far corner of our property. I could still take you to the place.

11/15/2008 - Describe 5 things that you can see right now.

1. My sweetie sleeping peacefully on the couch covered by a quilt made for me by my grandmother years ago.
2. Red and cream colored pillows strewn across the floor. Waiting to be picked up and arranged on the couch again.
3. My backpack, fresh from my all-nighter last night. (I finally got to bed at 1:30 AM, up again at 2:30, worked until 8:00, then caught maybe two hours of sleep before getting around for the rest of the day.
4. Family pictures of people I love more than anything else in the world. The same people that cause me to doubt that I fit in the picture at all.
5. The living room floor. Where we hung out last night until well after midnight, watching youtube clips of Prince, Neil Young, Avenged Sevenfold, Rush, and the Rentals, and talking about life, phlebotomy, friends, and the next couple weeks.

11/14/2008 - One thing you want to change about yourself is...

My negative outlook on life. It gets old being a "glass is mostly empty" kind of person.

11/13/2008 - What was your favorite childhood cartoon?

We didn't have TV when I was a kid, so I never watched cartoons regularly. The one cartoon that I always enjoyed was Tom and Jerry. 'Course we didn't get a regular paper either so I didn't have a favorite cartoon strip either. Closest thing to that would probably be Calvin and Hobbes.

11/12/2008 - What age were you most inspired?

When I was 20, I had boundless energy, confidence in my abilities to tackle any obstacle, and the desire to try anything. I was privileged to travel to Central America and loved every moment. I was in love and glad for the reassurance that brought, but the prospect of life spread out in front of me was tantalizing and I was so glad for someone to share it with. I had a high degree of faith in god's leading, and while I recognized that I didn't know all the answers, I wasn't worried about what might happen. I look back now, and wish I had that optimism and inspiration, but I wouldn't trade them for the knowledge and experience life has brought me.

11/12/2008 - Day's events

The last few days have been busy. Sunday, I attended church in the morning, than lunch with my sweet one's parents and Brother / Sister in Law. Watched the Steelers lose in the afternoon, then spent the evening at my sweet one's Grandmother's house. The family gets together there once a month and it is usually a fun time to be together. Smaller than usual this time, and that makes it seem a little less daunting.

Spent Monday morning working from home. I enjoy that so much more than being at the office. Monday afternoon, took a major first step in trying to cope with my own inner demons. To find out more, you'll have to ask me.

Tuesday was back to work. Came home early to see the little boy who spends Tuesdays and Thursdays in the charge of my sweet one. He was just up from his nap and we read some books, and made believe we were boating in the basement. Supper was with my Grandparents and family. Then home for the rest of the evening.

Bumped into something online mentioning the beginning of a mennonite church in the Elkton, MD / Newark DE area. (Just over an hour north of us) It is a church plant under MCUSA, and their approach seems to be fresh and more flexible than any of the churches in our area. I have just a few hints of excitement to see that flexible approach to church in action. (I'm not sure it's close enough to attend there, but I'm seriously contemplating going to the installation service this Sunday. We'll have to see.

11/11/2008 - This year you are going to...

... try and hang on until it's done. It hasn't been an easy year. I've struggled with doubt and despair more than I ever thought I would. The vast majority of the people around me either don't know, or don't care, but especially are not able to relate. So I'll try and make it through the last month or so. Then what... who knows?

11/10/2008 - Describe a perfect spring day and activities on that day.

The sky is a deep shade of blue with wispy white clouds scudding across the horizon. The smell of fresh cut grass permeates the air. The crackly sound of Paul Harvey on AM radio filters out from the kitchen, and mingles with the joyful cries of children rushing around in excitement. The family van is loaded and will soon depart for the beach. An afternoon of bobbing in the waves winds up with a stop at Dairy Queen and the ever-yearned-for Chocolate Dipped ice cream cone.

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Now playing: My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
via FoxyTunes

11/9/2008 - What's the most important thing to you?

I feel like what is most important to me has changed over the years, and sometimes I get myself in trouble by trying to balance too many emphases. Here's a few things that have spent time as "most important" to me.

"Living a godly life"
Honoring my forbears
Appearing to be intellectual
Bringing unity to diverse situations
Making my bride and love of my life happy
Prompting others to ask difficult questions.
Living without offending anyone.
Desperately trying not to fuck up relationships

Right now, the closest I can come to describing what is most important to me is...

"Seeking to live in a way that accurately reflects my worldview, but still includes love, acceptance, and support from my loved ones."

(I may have to work on refining that statement though...)



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Now playing: Band of Horses - Is There a Ghost
via FoxyTunes

10/8/2008 - 10 Countries I would love to visit

1. England
2. Peru
3. Spain
4. Italy
5. Portugal
6. Australia
7. Tibet (should be a country)
8. Netherlands
9. Germany
10. Brazil

11/8/2008 - Day's events

Today was a busy Saturday. Got up and watched Manchester United go down to a 2-1 defeat to Arsenal. Then headed for the wedding of friends of ours. Was asked to sing in a quartet and despite being pretty nervous about it, I was glad it went pretty well. Then in the evening, we attended a spanish church service with the rest of my family, and sang there as well. I'm not really thrilled about all the singing, but I was glad to do it for the happy couple, and I was impressed with my dad, and how much he enjoys that particular group of people.

11/6/2008 - Did you have a bicycle? What was it like?

I had an old, run-down BMX bike, and wore out the road riding back and forth pretending it was a horse. Some parts were red, some were white, and some were blue, but instead of looking patriotic, I think it just looked well-worn. But it was mine, and I remember it fondly.

11/5/2008 - Day's events

Long, slow, tired day at work. Had lunch with my grandfather, father, and brothers. Came home and was able to play with the boys for a while. Ate supper, then my family came over to prepare to sing on Saturday. Spent some time visiting with them, and am heading for bed soon.

11/5/2008 - Day's events

Long day today. Worked, ate lunch with my darling and a friend. And was able to spend a relaxing evening at home. I'm tired tonight. And morning comes early.

11/5/2008 - My Heart Sings When...

I'm up early in the morning, driving somewhere with people I love, to do something fun, and I feel like they accept me and are happy to be with me. Something about the open road and people who love you that makes it feel like anything is possible.

11/4/2008 - Did it snow much when you were a child - tell something about it. What did you do?

When I was young we got some snow. Still rather infrequently, I think. I remember enough snow to build snow forts upon occasion. And one time snowdrifts that seemed mountainous. (they were probably 4 ft or so but to my childhood eyes, they looked huge)

11/4/2008 - Day's events

Election day dawned early for me. I started the new work schedule and got to the office at 5:30 AM. It makes for a long day, but I was able to leave sooner than usual. Left work and participated in the General Election for the first time in my life. I was glad to vote with knowledge on every race that pertained to me. Attended a Wycliffe Associates banquet for the evening meal. Raced home and spent the rest of the evening glued to the election returns.

A few of my thoughts...


The Good:

A new president
A new direction for the country, and the enthusiastic celebration on display
Democratic gains in House and Senate Seats
Sen. McCain's gracious concession speech
A President Elect who is ready to step forward to meet the challenges that wait
Several initiatives easing marijuana restrictions passed


The Bad:

In at least 4 states, homophobic ballot initiatives appear to have passed
Democrats fall just short of a filibuster proof margin in the Senate.


The Ugly:

Nastiness from crowd during McCain's concession speech
Ted Stevens coming close to retaining his senate seat

I'm happy the nasty part of the campaign is over. I'm impressed with Mr. Obama's enthusiasm and leadership potential. I'm glad that many people seem to grasp the hope and endless possibilities that lie just around the corner. This election seems like just that - turning a corner. The future is bright, and the next government should easily be an improvement on the last 8 years.

11/3/2008 - Day's events

We returned home from Ohio late last night, and this morning I started a new work schedule. One day each week, I'll work for 4 hours from home, then the remaining 4 days will be 9 hour days at the office. I took today as the half day from home. That helped alleviate the exhaustion of a short night. (Bearing in mind that with the Steelers playing tonight, it's not like I'm going to bed early)

So I got up this morning, finished cleaning out the van, hit the gas station for $2.05 / gallon, and returned it to Mom and Dad's. I put in 4 hours from my basement office, had a nice visit with an old friend who stopped by, and took the trash and recycle to their appropriate destinations. My darling wife surprised me with french toast for breakfast, and Rice and Beans for lunch. This evening, before the game, I'll practice singing in a quartet for an upcoming wedding, then Monday night Football. Go Steelers!!!!

11/03/2008 - Do you really have to care?

Well, about some things I suppose.

Caring about the people who are closest to us is important. Caring about leading consistent lives and doing what we can to make the world a better place are admirable things to care about. Politics lends itself to caring deeply, and sometimes in a misplaced manner. It's probably a good idea to care about your chosen career or vocation. Caring about religion gets some people through the day, and caring about money and success motivates others. Caring about other people's perception of us is a dangerous concept, and caring for others who don't seem to return the sentiment can be discouraging. There are lots of things I care about but realize that in the long run they are pretty secondary. Things like sports, movies, books, Coffee, etc...

You can certainly make the choice to "not care", many people have. For me though, if I don't care for people, then all I'm left with are a bunch of things and experiences that matter little if you're alone.

So you don't "really have to care." But it makes life a hell of a lot better.



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Now playing: Band of Horses - Is There a Ghost
via FoxyTunes

11/2/2008 - Day's events

Slept in this morning, finally got up and around to church at 10:15. Visiting a friends church, one that has a reputation for appealing to young people and families. Lot's of energy and activity and programs. Meaningful worship and a youngish with-it pastor. Lots of things to recommend it for people who are seeking a more relevant church home.

Except....

Message this morning was entitled "Letters to a New President" and was almost pure regurgitation of standard evangelical talking points. It was the single most offensive sermon I have heard in person. His main points, with a short summary and my response.

1) Belief in a Sovereign God.
United States was founded with Christian principles guiding the founders, and functions best today if operating by Judeo-Christian principles.

Uh. No. Founding was done by a bunch of theists who didn't agree on everything but did feel that freedom to practice any religion was important to preserve. Their stance was that government should be separate from religion. To suggest that they intended government to be run by any specific religion is to invalidate their overall approach to freedom.

2) Marraige and Family Values
It's perverted for homosexual, lesbian, or gay people to love each other. Allowing gay marriage will destroy the very fabric of society.

Uh, love is love. Why is it a good thing for the government to get involved with telling who we can and can't love. Instead let's look for ways to encourage healthy relationships, loving families, and commitments that can make our society stronger. Isn't that better than demonizing people just because they see things differently than us.

3) Sanctity of Human Life
49 million abortions since Roe v. Wade. exponentially more than all the deaths by americans in war. This proves that abortion is the greatest moral threat of all time and must be countered at all cost.

Uh. While I am no fan of abortion and what it represents, I do recognize it as a choice that comes into play, particularly when the mother is poor and downtrodden to the point that she doesn't have any other recourse. I don't think the government should outlaw it. Rather they should do everything in their power to minimize abortion make it possible and advantageous for the mother to choose life.

4) Personal Responsibility
People shouldn't approach life with an entitlement attitude, and should instead focus on earning what they get. Free handouts only encourage people's sloth and greediness.

Uh, besides being the very antithesis of Jesus's work on earth, I find that this idea of Personal Responsibility is used most often as a way for the conservative, and especially the religious, crowd to absolve themselves from any responsibility in helping people. People want to help, but only on their terms. They want to only help people they deem worthy of receiving that help. This whole aspect of judging people and interacting only based on our morals or value judgements is odious to me.

The input from the pulpit was to pray (fine with that) and vote according to those four criteria (A little too formulaic for my tastes.)

So I sat and smiled, and carefully avoided indicating approval, or as is actually the case, massive disapproval of what was shared. In the same way that I don't want to accept political positions just because the powers that be say so, I recognize that it would be pretty self involved to expect every church to come out exactly where I do.

I respect each person's ability to decide for themselves. But not so much my idea of a good time this morning...

We left for home after lunch and are now on our way home. It's been a good weekend all around.


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Now playing: Coldplay - Politik
via FoxyTunes

11/2/2008 - Find a Quotation that moves you and write it down. Why does it move you?

Help me get down, I can make it,
Help me get down If I only knew the answer
I wouldn't be bothering you, father.

These are lyrics from a song by the Killers. They remind me of how out of control life feels sometimes. There may have been a time when I thought I knew the answers, but not anymore. A situation came up several weeks ago, when I felt like God was moving things into place to answer a prayer and life might make sense. Things didn't fall into place, and life has moved in weirder directions since then. I sat and listened to this song, and struggled to retain what little confidence in a greater plan I still had. Right now life just doesn't really make sense, and I feel like every area of my life means I'm bothering someone, family friends and even God. My heart cries with the ache of what might be. but life demands we go on. So I'll just keep trying, and hoping that someone somewhere cares enough to help.


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Now playing: The Arcade Fire - Intervention
via FoxyTunes

11/1/2008 - Day's events

So I thought I'd also try to use the blogosphere to keep track of a few of my thoughts on the events of each day. We'll see how it goes. Today was a Saturday, spent in Ohio with our family. We headed out mid-morning, and after stopping at Java Jo's, Heini's, and the AAA office in Cleveland, we found ourselves at the Rock & Roll hall of fame and museum. The next number of hours was spent wandering the exhibit halls, watching various interviews and videos, and listening to a lot of music. It was an enjoyable though tiring day, and I thoroughly enjoyed being immersed in the music culture.

High points...
John Lennon's handwritten lyrics for Beautiful Boy and In My Life
Introducing someone to Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah
John Lennon and Bob Marley's signatures on the same wall panel
Being acquainted with 80% of the music I heard.

We ate supper at Max and Erma's in Canton. and had a good time together.
Ended up back at our host's house, and people wound down for the evening.

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Now playing: The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight
via FoxyTunes

11/1/2008 - What did you accomplish last year

Made it through.
Worked through applying to an adoption agency with my wife, we're now approved, and waiting.
Lost 40 lbs.
Served as a bridegroom in both family weddings this summer.
Registered to Vote.
Raised a pint with an old friend.
Visited Washington DC at the peak of cherry blossom season.
Vacationed in Southern California.