Pain in the midst of beauty

Today is a beautiful day. The sky is deep blue, undisturbed by clouds. It's warm and sunshiny, and just gives you the urge to go for a walk. It's a perfect day.

But perfect days often hide pain that is pretty deep seated.

It's easy to superficially revel in the insignificant details like weather, sports, and whatever is going on. It's a lot harder to take the time and trouble to actually find out how someone else is doing. Time because it means doing things you don't really want to do, and trouble because it means listening to someone else talk about their struggles and what is going well or ill in their life. Most people choose the easier way out and leave any kind of heart to heart talking to other people, or trained counselors, or no one.

For me, that re-enforces the idea that everyone is too busy to take the time, or doesn't care enough to invest in that way. That's a little discouraging.

So we'll talk about the weather and how beautiful the day is.

And most everyone will be happy.

The masquerade

I am intrigued by the trouble people endure in order to hide from what is real. This often pops up when groups of people are together. There is a certain expected level of conduct or speech or ideas, and most people go to great lengths to ensure that their comments and actions fall within that expected range. If people act or say things outside of those boundaries, the tendency is for them to be ostracized, often subconsciously. They will probably find themselves pushed to the margins and left sitting by themselves instead of actively engaged in discourse with others. I know that when I was the one concerned with meeting that accepted level of action, it felt like it was only natural and right to do that. I think the masquerade is so effective that you don't even know you are participating in it. Since I've abandoned, at least partially, that game, I know what it's like to be the outsider, to be marginalized and omitted from discussions and activity. It doesn't make me proud of myself for the past or proud of my friends.

In that context when you find someone willing to acknowledge the messiness of the real, you value it. The willingness to engage people and reality where they are, shows a heart that is more concerned with the people involved than with the level of action. I want to be more like that.

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